This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
