i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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