The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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