No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
