i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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