Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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