Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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