Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
