I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
