You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
