names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
