at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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