no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
