its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
