i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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