Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
