im six kinds of drunk right now
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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