Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
