i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
