"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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