He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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