OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
