It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
