she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
