Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
