A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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