Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
