I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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