Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
