did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
