I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
FUCK WHALES
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
