So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Still dying that you shit outside
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
