I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
