Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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