Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
