No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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