He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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