is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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