Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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