he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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