we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
