my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
