i was born a porn star she said
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
