dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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