Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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