apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
