i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
