Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
