I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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