It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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