I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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