so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
