she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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