birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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