be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
