Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
