If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
