You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
