maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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