you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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