Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
