Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
