for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
