Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
