why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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