Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
