the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
