you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
