She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
