I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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