I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
