If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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