I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
