pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize