Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
