I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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