So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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