Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I could make wine with my vomit
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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