shes about as inviting as chlamydia
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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