My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
