saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
