If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
