And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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